after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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