Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
