Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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