my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
birth control should be required to get into college
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
