she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
