wat bout pragnant strippers??
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm like, not good at living.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize