Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
