When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
