I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The adults are the big ones right?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
