So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize