Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
