I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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