I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
