They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
