Have you finally orgasmed yet?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
