two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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