before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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