So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
