You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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