Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
