i think my tv is drunk
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
