is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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