My balls are so social today.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When did angry sex become our thing?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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