its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
