Me. At least after what I've been through.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Terrible idea I love it
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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