hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
