Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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