Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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