Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
