Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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