no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
