I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
