i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
