guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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