Non-Jews are for practice
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
