WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
