that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
