Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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