its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
