You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
