There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
