Will you blow on my dice?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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