forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize