Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize