so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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