first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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