woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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