I wanna bring you to show and tell
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I wish life had little blips of pornography
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize