He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
