"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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