He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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