And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i will never coherently bang her
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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