she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Rumble strips road head = magical
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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