one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
