When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
