Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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