I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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