she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I understand Curling. That high.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
