Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
