Capitaan dildo arrescate!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
