So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
