It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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