I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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