I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize