I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I could fuck to npr.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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