Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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