guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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