you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
