there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
