Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
