my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
