4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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