Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
