we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
