Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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