I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
