it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
