Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
