Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize