my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
