just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
