You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
