I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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