all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
