Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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