does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
