You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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