i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
