And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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