yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
