I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
