I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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