No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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