I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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