It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
