It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
