4 words: hood of his car
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
