I don't usually arrange sex via text message
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
