you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
