i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
